I have been spending a lot of time in prayer and Bible study lately, and God has really been showing me a lot of weakness in my life. It hasn’t been a fun process, but has been so rewarding. For the first time I am able to surrender my weaknesses completely to Him instead of trying to fix myself; and the results have been freeing. 🙂
Just the other day I texted this message to my husband:
I know I should move laundry, but I’m too exhausted to move (read: lazy)
Then, as I thought about things more, I shared this thought on Facebook:
Why is it that so much of my time is spent being overwhelmed by all the things I have to do rather than getting them done?
More thinking and praying.
Then, by God’s strength, I decided I would do what needed to be done even if I felt tired or didn’t want to.
The first day I was able to enjoy an hour with Samuel at the park. I could be with him fully and not feel guilty or rushed by all the things I had to do.
Last night I was able to spend a few hours in prayer and Bible study without being distracted by all that was left unfinished. Samuel even seems to enjoy scurrying around the house with me getting things done (of course there are many pauses for reading books, bouncing balls and soaking up new discoveries in Samuel’s world.)
While this pace is a bit exhausting, it’s so much sweeter! I can really pause throughout the day without feeling guilty. I can spend more time with Arlen and Samuel at the end of the day because everything is done. I am even sleeping better at night.
I have to admit, I’m a little scared. I don’t want business to become an idol, nor do I want my self-worth to come from what I have or haven’t accomplished. I also don’t want to fall into the trap of placing tasks before family and friends.
Although I am scared, I have hope, hope that through God’s strength I will find a balance and find the true rest and joy that comes only from hard work.