Mourn the Loss, Rejoice in the Blessings

Samuel woke up feeling better this morning. He is still a bit under the weather, but huge improvement from yesterday.

It seems that Timothy’s lip tie is growing back. That means nursing is getting more painful again despite our best efforts. We are waiting on a call back to see what to do from here.

I am also a bit discouraged today as well. Based on medical advice and our own prayerful consideration, we have decided that this will be our last pregnancy. It’s hard because we really wanted more children. For the most part, I am honestly relieved. Pregnancy, delivery and recovery are so hard for me that I cannot take care of and enjoy the children I already have. And, to be honest, I’m not a baby person.

That first year is hard for me. I love how cute and sweet babies are, but the fact that their primary communication is crying really stresses me out. Am I doing the right thing? Why is baby crying? I feel quite confined to the house for the first year, and it’s lonely. Yet, there is something sweet about holding a sleeping baby and the joy and excitement of meeting a new little person.

Part of me feels like if I could just have a normal pregnancy, recovery, breastfeeding experience and baby who isn’t in constant pain (Praise the LORD we got the latter this time around.), things would be different and fairy tale like. I feel like I have missed out on something that I want to be a part of. I know the truth is that I am blessed – so blessed. We didn’t know if we could have any children, and here we have two sweet boys! What a HUGE blessing.

I am blessed, and may God always help me to see those blessings, but today I am taking a little time to mourn what I will never have.

Samuel was super excited to get his big boy underwear (training pants) in the mail today. I promise, he does know where they go.

Breastfeeding Chronicles: Night Pumping and Support Group

Nighttime pumping is continuing to go well. Timothy is certainly nursing more during the day (about every 2-3 hours instead of 3-4). However, he is also stretching out a lot at night. Last night he nursed at 5:00, then slept through his typical 7:00ish feeding and didn’t wake to eat until just before 1:00am wow! He then slept until about 4:30 am and finally woke up at about 7:30 am. That means he only needed two bottles.

We have a good system worked out. Arlen feeds Timothy while I
pump. If Timothy is not already back asleep when I’m done pumping and have everything all washed up, I rock him skin-to-skin. It’s so nice.

Today I went to a breastfeeding support group, hoping to get more help with Timothy’s latch. The lactation consultant said his latch looked good, but when Timothy was done nursing my nipple was in bad shape. She is stumped and doesn’t know why that would happen. That was the problem I had with Samuel, no one knew what was wrong. She did have one suggestion to help with the pain though.

At night, when Timothy is not nursing, I will use some antibiotic ointment on my nipples. That way if there is any kind of infection or dermatitis, it can have an opportunity to heal up. I feel like it is certainly worth a try!

On another note, we have a sick little boy in the house too. This morning Samuel slept late and Arlen woke him up. We didn’t think much of it. This afternoon I finally woke him from his nap at 4:00. He complained of being cold and his stomach hurting. Sure enough he has a fever. He just wants to be cozy on the couch with lots of blankets. Or cry and be held. Poor little guy!

I Just Want to be a Good Mom

Pressure, pressure, pressure. Being a mom comes with a lot of pressure. Your circle of moms, family members and even geographic location can affect the specifics, but we are all familiar with those important decisions that make us a good mom or a bad mom.

Here are some hot topics around my neck of the woods:

Vaccinations, circumcision, breastfeeding, cosleeping, diet, and the list goes on.

It’s so easy to nit pick and decide that someone is a good or bad mom based on their decisions regarding one or all of these topics. However, I have learned that there isn’t a right answer.

That’s right, there’s no right answer. You see, every child, family and situation is so different, there is never one right answer. The truth is that no one knows your kids or family better than you do. Will you make some “wrong” calls? Sure, we all do, but the key to being a good mom is to prayerfully consider your options and do what you know is right. The right thing isn’t always the same from family to family or even child to child.

Let me give you an example: Breastfeeding, and specifically nursing is really important to me. I was able to nurse my first until he self-weaned at 20 months. I was thrilled to do the same with my second, but we have problems. Nursing HURTS! I have had blisters for all seven weeks of our nursing relationship. The pain affects my sleep, energy and activity level. Just this week we were finally able to have Timothy’s severe lip tie corrected, and I’m hoping this will correct our nursing relationship.

STOP. Already I’ve had people express to me that I must be crazy and that I would be a better mom if I just gave it up. On the flip side it’s been said that if I stop nursing (even if I pump) I’m giving up too easily and am depriving my baby of what he needs. Some have even told me I’m an amazing mom for sticking it out for so long.

See. It’s impossible to make everyone happy. The truth is, no matter what happens, I am a good mom. Why? Because I am doing everything in my power to give all three (yes, my husband is important too) of my boys the best outcomes I see possible given all factors and circumstances. No one else has the data I do. No one else has poured over this decision in prayer like I have. No matter how this situation ends up, or what others think, I’m a good mom.

So stop focusing on the pressure all around you. Turn to the only One who has all the answers, the one who can give you the strength to do what is right.

Oh, and one more thing; take a minute to encourage another mom even if her parenting style and decisions are different from yours. I truly believe that encouragement, not judgement, brings out the best in one another.

What about you? I would love to hear what makes you feel like a good mom.

Breastfeeding Chronicles: The Pumping Plunge

Breastfeeding this time around has been so hard. Timothy had a severe upper lip tie that made it nearly impossible for him to get a proper latch. That means for the past seven weeks I have been severely blistered. I have been in so much pain that is hurts to hold my baby on my chest, I can’t hug my husband, and I cringe when my toddler just wants to snuggle.

On Wednesday we made the five hour trip (normally three hours, but you try with a newborn who hates his car seat, no a/c and an overtired toddler) to Vanderbilt to have Timothy’s lip tie revised (clipped). The procedure went well, but, while he is healing, his latch certainly is far from pain-free.

I finally reached the point where the pain is too much to bare. Last night I started pumping and bottle feeding during the night. This is when Timothy’s latch is the worst and the most damage is done. It also gives me 12+ hours to heal. I plan to do this just until we are both fully healed.

Oh my goodness!! I felt so much better this morning! No where near fully healed, but a HUGE improvement! I have to admit though, I really miss all of the nursing cuddles. This morning Arlen was joking that I was more eager to nurse Timothy than he was to eat.

I was very sad to give Timothy his first bottle tonight. I really wanted to spend that time nursing him. I almost did too, but I was reminded that the reason for doing this is so that I can heal so we can nurse more of the time long-term. I don’t like it, but it’s true.

I’m interested to see how things go, but I’m more determined than ever to do everything in my power to make this work!

Daily Blogger?

I’m bouncing around the idea of doing a daily blog. I will still have the lesson plans, recipes, and well thought out blogs I’m used to posting, but I’m thinking it might be a fun way to chronicle daily life. I know that my boys are going to grow so fast, and I don’t want to forget the everyday moments. What do you think? Would it be frustrating to you guys for me to do that on this blog?

Back in the Game

I’m not sure what it is about having babies, but between the pregnancies, deliveries and recoveries, boy I really get whipped. Here soon though, I should be back in the game. With all the time I’ve had to rest and think, I might actually have a thing or two to share.

For now, I will simply introduce you to our newest family member. Timothy William Laurence Byrd was born at 8:01 pm on April 29, 2013 weighing in at 8lb 4oz. He is such a laid back, smiley little boy and we live having him in our family.

Musical Education

Samuel with his rhythm sticks

Samuel LOVES music. When he was just a few weeks old, we discovered that a few songs had an amazing power to calm him like nothing else. He still loves music. He loves to dance and sing, to strum on Daddy’s guitar and play around on the piano. He gets super excited when Daddy “sings the violin.”

In an effort to encourage Samuel’s love of music and to expand his horizons, I have made a playlist for each day of the week.

Monday – Classical/Instrumental
Tuesday – Learning/Toddler Tunes
Wednesday – Scripture Memory Songs
Thursday – Folk Music (think Appalachian and bluegrass)
Friday – Hymns

These playlists might end up being tweaked, but it’s a start.